The New Leaf - coaching & kinesiology
  • home
    • policies
  • coaching
    • programs
  • shop
  • blog
  • about
    • contact
    • Testimonials
    • Links
A Step-by-Step Guide

How To Stop Feeling Stuck

DOWNLOAD FREE TODAY!

When Forgiveness Is Hard To Do

25/6/2018

0 Comments

 
A Self-Help Article
by Zoe Davis
Picture

When Forgiveness Is Hard To Do
​

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” ​~ Unknown
Forgiveness can be one of the hardest experiences we have to go through, it can be very confusing because a part of us may feel it’s letting the other person get away with whatever we perceive they did to us. The betrayals and violations were often committed so long ago that it can be memories of the memories that still hurts, rather than the actual deeds or words.

​
The Ego will always do it’s best to stay in the hurt, making others responsible, making others pay, or waiting for others to rescue us from the pain. This mindset of holding others responsible is incredibly disempowering. Others may never change, never realise how they hurt people, never want to understand and in some cases they may no longer be alive.
​
Not forgiving someone primarily damages you.

When someone has hurt you, you may still be upset with them, but underneath it all you will find that you’re actually upset with yourself for letting someone hurt you. You’re disappointed in yourself that you trusted that person and they betrayed you, you’re upset that you were in that place when that incident happened, you’re angry that you didn’t speak up or walk away when that person was abusing you. Underneath all the anger of holding others responsible you’re actually troubled that you didn’t handle yourself differently. Even if you were an innocent child when it happened, if you are angry at your caregivers or family it will often boil down to you being disappoined that you ended up in that dynamic.

This is where self-forgiveness comes in, forgiving yourself for all of the anger you are holding onto or blaming others for being in that situation, will set you free to move on and start being empowered. Not only is it good for your mind and emotions, it’s good for your physical body and health which gets damaged by negativity.
​
The following exercise is for those who are ready to forgive and want their power back. If a person is willing to stay stuck in unforgiveness then nothing is going to shift until they decide they are prepared to take the emotional responsibility needed for change. Even when we are willing, forgiveness is hard, but it’s impossible if stuck in blame.
So, how do you forgive yourself?
​
Step 1. How Did They Make You Feel?
​

Think of the person you are struggling to forgive, think about what they did to you, but most importantly think about how their actions made you feel. You may feel violated, angry, betrayed, rejected, abandoned, neglected, disrespected, abused, powerless, etc. any or all of these and more. It helps to write it down. If you fill a whole page with you feel about it, that’s okay, its better out than in. Please note, when you write it down, notice if you feel like writing they make me feel or made me feel. Make you feel is present tense, made you feel is the past and then you know you’re dealing with clearing memories of memories.

Step 2. How Do You Feel About Letting Someone Hurt You?

Look at what you wrote in step 1, how you feel looking at those words. Use your intuition here; look for the feeling that wrote those words. Write it down. Often here you will see how helpless you had become hoping that person would show mercy and rescue you from your own powerlessness. It’s important with forgiveness that you take responsibility and learn that you can and must rescue yourself.

Step 3. Compassion Gives You Your Power Back.

When you see that someone could make you feel like that, you may also realise that the person who hurt you may not be well. They aren’t or weren’t happy. How could a happy person make another feel like that? Hurt people, hurt people. See where compassion can be considered, and how allowing compassion for that person’s unconsciousness can release you from the heaviness of blame.

Step 4.  Declare Your Forgiveness

Say the following declaration aloud, that way your subconscious hears your voice saying it and allows reprogramming to penetrate at a deeper level. You could write it out, sign and date it, which is another way of ensuring your subconscious has acknowledged it.

“I declare I can now see that he/she hurt me either deliberately or unintentionally, but they were actually hurt themselves, for whatever reason, and used me as a way of unconsciously dealing with their own pain. I acknowledge him/her as my teacher and I have learnt what I need from them. I no longer need to focus on their problems as a source of my own frustrations or healing. I see that habit does me no good. I deserve to live without their wound and I now choose to do so. I let go of their wounding with love and compassion, I give them and everyone, full permission to live out their lessons in whichever way they choose.

I am now deciding to be powerful in my own right, do what I need to do for the highest good, and stay in my integrity. I have the courage to forgive him/her and I forgive myself for attracting their hurt into my life. I am grateful for this new awareness and I no longer have the need to attract that behaviour into my life again.

Signed........ 
Date...

Read this declaration at least twice a day until you’ve moved on, you’ll know when that is because you won’t want to think about the past with that person anymore.

The point of this declaration is start your brain thinking differently and no longer going in a negative loop when you’re triggered by others or by memories.

Creating new ways of thinking takes time, about 3 to 4 weeks initially, so start a practice today of thinking differently. Make it a habit to let the past go and create a new life based on you being powerful, happy and free from others bad behaviours.

Most importantly, be compassionate, forgive yourself and keep moving forward. 
​
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Access Octomono Masonry Settings

    Author

    Zoe Davis is the founder of The New Leaf coaching and kinesiology.

    Since 1997 Zoe has  helped thousands of people who feel stuck clear their life path and confidently move forward.


    As well as a regular blog, The New Leaf offers 1:1 coaching, online courses, downloads and more...


    ​🌱
    Get the most empowering articles, updates & offers around! Join The New Leaf News...

    Join!

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Achievable Goal Setting
    Align With Self
    Awakening
    Building A Stress Free Life
    Building A Stress-free Life
    Centre Yourself
    Clarity
    Confidence
    Discipline
    Embrace Change
    Emotional Balance
    Emotional Intelligence
    Empowerment
    Energy Reset
    Energy Updates
    Feeling Stuck
    Full Moon
    Get Centered
    Goal Setting
    Holistic Healing
    How To Stop Feeling Stuck
    Immune Boosting
    Intention
    Jupiter In Capricorn
    Letting Go
    Manifesting
    Meditation
    Mindfulness
    New Moon
    Nutrition
    Passion Tips
    Personal Growth
    Positive Mindset
    Present Moment
    Procrastination
    ​progressive Realisation
    Reduce Stress
    Release And Let Go
    Saturn In Aquarius
    Self Healing Activity
    Self Help Activities
    Self-improvement
    Shadow Self
    Success Mindset
    Take Care Of Yourself
    Tips To Avoid Burnout
    Work Life Balance
    Work-life Balance

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    December 2021
    October 2021
    October 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    December 2017
    September 2016
    December 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    November 2012
    July 2012
    October 2011

    RSS Feed

TESTIMONIALS
SUBSCRIBE 
CONTACT
​
SHIPPING
© the new leaf - coaching and kinesiology 2022
  • home
    • policies
  • coaching
    • programs
  • shop
  • blog
  • about
    • contact
    • Testimonials
    • Links